I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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