More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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