My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
