my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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