There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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