I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
