This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
