I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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