i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'd cum for enchiladas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
