she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
