Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
