She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
