he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
