I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
