So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
