i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
