I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
