seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
