We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I FOUND THE LEGS
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
