Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
