i permit you to call me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
