Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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