I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
