Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
