your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
