I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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