Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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