I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
