if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
