the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
