May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
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No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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