new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
