i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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