Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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