guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
