better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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