i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
