plz talk dirty to me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
