Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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