The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
