last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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