Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
