Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
