Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
