I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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