and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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