Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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