Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
