Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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