No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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