I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
