Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
