Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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