The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
