I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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