Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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