Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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