Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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