i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
