make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
