Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
