Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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