Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
