Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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