im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
