Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
