Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
