The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
