your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
