Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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