Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
